House cleaning YUK

Confession: I am not good at cleaning the house, nor do I have a desire to learn how to do it well.  Since owning my first home in the late 90's, I have always had a maid.  I have also always worked full time.  I love coming home after a day at work, and the house being "magically" cleaned, as if by elves.  My mother and sister are of course, appalled. My mother has always been a stay at home mom and cleaned her own house; my sister has gone from school teacher, back to stay at home mom, back to school teacher, and has always cleaned her own house.  They were both born to clean, almost seeming to revel in it.  My sister's room was always neat, but my mother always picked up my stuff.  I guess I got used to it, what can I say. 

Olga with my 3 kids a few years ago

After Sarah was born we hired a nanny, since we had 3 kids (2 under the age of 2) and both my husband and I worked full time.  Her name is Olga, and she is from El Salvador.  I know, you don't hear of many people named Olga from El Salvador, but that's her name.  She is a few years older than me and has 4 boys of her own.  Her husband, Gene, is from Cuba, and works doing carpentry work and odd jobs.  They are a very hardworking family, and I have enjoyed getting to know them over the years.  Olga was born to clean.  She hardly ever sits down and was always cleaning something or washing something in my house.  My 2 little girls love to imitate her by scrubbing the bathtub or shower door pretending to "wash" it. Lord knows they didn't learn that from me!

Olga left us when Olivia went to Kindergarten, which was about 4 months before I lost my job.  I am thankful that I was able to give Olga enough notice to find another job, and that my job loss didn't trickle down and affect her ability to feed her 4 boys.  Olga still cleans for us every other week.  She laughs at me when I make attempts to clean.  She knows that I'm not good at it, either. PS -- Olga is accepting new houses to clean if you are interested, send me a private message.

Haircolor and the Accidental Stay at Home Mom

Let me just say right off the bat, that I haven't seen my natural hair color since I was pregnant with my son in 1998. I like my hair blond, not brown. No offense to anyone, but blondes really do have more fun :) As a working Mom, I would get my hair cut and colored in the salon about every 2 months or so.  This process could sometimes take up to 2 hours, and wasn't something I could work in during the week.  So usually I would schedule my appointments way in advance for a Saturday when my husband could watch the kids.  This would set me back anywhere from $100 -$200 depending on where I was living at the time.  After baby #3 (unexpectedly) arrived I decided I would try my hand at the home hair color kit, since diapers and a nanny were now a priority.  That attempt was a disaster, and I went back to the salon where I paid around $300 for the 3 hours of work it took to fix my mistake.  Some time went by and I forgot about this trauma; what can I say, I was sleep deprived and stressed out.  I saw a new product called root touch up.  Just what I needed!  I used it and it worked great.  I could delay my salon visits by at least a month. 

darker than I like

After that I got bold and decided to try all over color myself.  My hair is very thick, so it hides small errors that I may make in application.  My husband said it looked as good as the salon.  I believed him, since he wasn't one to give me a hard time over my hair appointments.  My blond friends can't believe that I do this myself successfully.  I have tried Miss Clairol, Preference (because I'm worth it!), John Frieda, and Nutreisse.  My favorite is Preference, but I will use coupons if I can get one free or cheap.  A few weeks ago I got a coupon in the mail from CVS to try the new John Freida foam.  3 days before my husband and I were leaving for London, I decided to try it.  My light shinny blond went to a dark mousy brown. Not pretty.  I went back to CVS and got another box of Preference the next day and tried again.  My hair was so dark, that my normal shade of Preference didn't deliver results.  Yesterday, after a week in London, I tried again with a lighter shade.  My kids and husband didn't notice a change, although I thought it was a bit lighter.  Sigh.  I guess I will have to wait a few weeks or risk totally frying my hair.  I am hoping for some out of town interviews in a few weeks.  Maybe that will give me a good excuse to go back to the salon. 

London Calling / The travelling Mom

As a working Mom, I used to travel about once a month for work.  As soon as my girls saw my suitcase come out of the closet, they always wanted to "help Mommy pack".  This is a nice thought, but stuffed animals, blankies and books weren't generally items that I needed for a business trip.  As a result I would have to pack in secret, when they were sleeping or when they were otherwise occupied.

I would be gone for about a week or so, always feeling guilty about the travel, but mostly enjoying it at the same time.  I love to go to new places and see new things.  My Dad travelled all over the world for his job when I was growing up.  So much so that my cousins used to say that he was secretly in the CIA or something like that.  He was a Delta 2 million miler when he retired.  I doubt I will ever have THAT many miles, but I have been to some far away places like Turkey, Indonesia, and China. 

Packing and traveling by myself is one thing, but when travelling with kids, it is a whole different ballgame.  Getting them packed and ready for a week at Grandma's house is the equivalent of launching the space shuttle out of my backyard.  In addition to making sure they have enough clothes, underwear and pajammas, we also have to collect and pack video games, dvd players and coloring books for the car ride.  I'm just glad I don't have to carry a diaper bag anymore.

This past week my husband had the opportunity to speak at a conference on private brands in London, England.  I decided to go with him, even though it was over Thanksgiving.  You see, they don't celebrate Thanksgiving in London.  So I took the kids to Grandma and Grandpa's house and we were off.  You can read about the conference on my husband's blog here: http://mypbrand.com/2011/11/27/own-label-meets-private-brand-in-london/#comments

We had a great time.  I have always loved New York City, and London was very much like NYC.  We did a double decker bus tour and saw Wesminster Abbey, the London Eye, and The Tower of London.  We went to a restaurant serving an "American Thanksgiving Dinner" on Thursday, but sadly, it wasn't very good.  But no worries, we will fix our own Thanksgiving dinner this weekend. Interesting trivia tidbit --- did you know that in London they serve baked beans for breakfast?

Recruiters and phone interviews

I have had LOTS of phone interviews since losing my job.  Mostly from recruiters, and some from the actual hiring managers.  Back when I was working, you could always tell when someone was trying to get another job.  I would see them outside the building, on their cell phones, not looking at anyone.  Personally, I always got in my car and drove somewhere else so I wouldn't be noticed.  Once I parked at a gas station and was talking to a Walmart recruiter, when my boss pulled into the gas station and started filling up his car.  Oops.  I don't think he noticed me.  I hope not anyway.  By the way, there are quite a few Walmart buyer jobs open now since they are moving merchandising from NYC back to Arkansas.   Send me a message if you want the name of the recruiter.  Their interview process is intense, and I have no desire to live in AR.


ready for my phone interview!

Sometimes recruiters will call me out the blue, and that's when it's good to have your 2 minute elevator speech ready.  You have worked on that since my last blog post about it, right?  Other times they will want to schedule a time when they can ask you a series of questions. I have found it's helpful to stand up and walk around while talking.  It's also helpful to look in a mirror to make sure you're smiling.  It sounds strange but it's true.  Recruiters want to hear that excitement and positive attitude in your voice.  You should also be able to recite your resume from memory. Every date, every figure, every number needs to match up.  You will also want to make sure that your children are under someone else's care.  Even if I lock myself in the study and tell the kids that I have an important phone call, one of them will come banging on the door and yelling MOMMY! Not exactly helpful in the interview process. You should also get dressed.  Not in an interview suit or anything, but make sure that you aren't in your pajamas.  If you feel professional, then you are professional.  Another tip is get a land line.  I know, you ditched your land line years ago and you use your cell phone for everything.  I did too, until I started taking phone interviews at home, and my calls kept dropping. Grrrrr. Thanks AT&T!  I love my iPhone, but AT&T is the worst.  Always remember to thank the caller for their time and follow up with an email in a day or two.  The most important thing to remember is to make it easy for the recruiter to recommend you.  They don't get paid unless they successfully place a candidate.  They want to find good candidates, so make sure that you are one. 

Do you have any other good tips?  If so leave them in the comments below.  I have another phone interview coming up soon. If all goes well, I hope to be invited to their corporate office.  Which leads me to my next post.... the in person, out of town, interview.  Stay tuned!

i heart coupons

About 2 years ago a coworker (hi Beth!) came to my desk and showed me all the things she had just gotten for free on her lunch hour with coupons.  FREE?  I had used coupons in the past here and there, but I had never gotten anything for free before.  She also showed me a couple blogs where they would show you which items to buy at what stores and give you a link to print out the coupon over the internet.  I got started with CVS, since there was one close by work, and I could zip in there on my lunch hour.  I got all kinds of things for free: toothpaste, razors, deodorant.  Then I started working it for my favorite grocery store, Harris Teeter.  I've gotten free milk, butter, rice, potato chips, carpet cleaner, and more.  The trick is to match up weekly sales with the coupons.  I usually don't buy an item unless it's on sale and I have a coupon for it.  It's really easy, and all it takes is time, a computer, a printer, and a Sunday newspaper. 


22 items for $20.46 a few weeks ago during triple coupons at Harris Teeter

My favorite coupon sites are Southernsavers.com and Moolasavingmom.com.  I also like Moneysavingmom.com and Dealseekingmom.com.  Iheartcvs.com is also cool because she posts pictures of what she bought and how much she spent and saved.  I actually used to have my own blog,  http://drugstoremom.blogspot.com/ but I stopped writting it in 2009 when work got too busy.  But the blog is still there, you can go check it out.  I was very focused on getting cheap diapers back then!  I'm glad I don't need those anymore!

Just for the record, let me state that I am NOT one of those "extreme coupon-ers" like on that TLC show.  Those people are buying coupons from services and their stores don't have limits on the number of coupons that you can use.  I also do not have a "stockpile" of stuff that I got for free. Well, not anymore, anyway :)  There was a time when I had 4 bottles of Texas Pete Hot Sauce in the pantry.  Hey, it was free!  It's easy to get carried away.  Now I really try to get things that my family will use.  I also try to donate stuff to charity if we have more than we need. Since I lost my job, I have gotten more creative and been able to spend more time on couponing. I went from spending $150 per week on groceries to around $50 per week.  I just print out the coupons I need before I go shopping.  I also have a pink binder with plastic baseball card dividers that I use to organize my coupons.  I'll post pictures of my weekly trips so you can check it out, if you're interested. 

Dance Lessons

Olivia

Sarah

How many activities can a working mom handle for their kids?  Not many, let me tell you.  For the past couple of years my girls have played soccer.  Well, actually only Olivia would play, and Sarah would pick up leaves on the soccer field and chase butterflies.  Seasonal allergies have always bothered my daughter Olivia, making it hard for her to breathe sometimes, so this fall we decided to switch to a dance class.  One night a week both girls have a ballet / tap class.  I wouldn't have been able to take them to this class if I was still working, as it starts before the workday ends.  I always had that working Mom guilt of not being able to take them to activities during the week.  It was just too hectic. 

This dance class is a pretty easy drop off for me, because there is no room for the Moms to sit and watch the girls dance.  They encourage us to leave, and then come back in an hour when class is over.  Much better for me than standing around a soccer field for an hour, especially in the cold.  But as a result, I have no idea if they are learning anything, or if they are enjoying it.  Tonight the Moms got to sit in on a class, but only because they needed us to confirm costume sizes for the recital in May.  I took lots of dance classes with my sister growing up in Virginia.  We took ballet, tap, jazz, and gymnastics.  I always loved the recitals with all the "fancy" costumes.  I actually loved everything about those dance classes, and hoped that my girls would, too.  At the girls' class tonight, they performed part of their ballet routine and part of their tap routine.  Unfortunately I left my iPhone on the kitchen counter, and didn't get to video the performance.  Olivia, my 7 year old, was doing all of the dance steps, while also singing along with the music.  I could tell that she loved it.  She was smiling and dancing her heart out.  Sarah, my 5 year old, was much more intense.  There was no smile on her face, just steely concentration as she kept up with the moves.  A few weeks ago Sarah wanted to drop out of dance.  It was time to put the deposit down on the recital outfit, and I didn't want to pay for it if she wasn't going to do it.  When she realized that there was a fancy costume involved at the end if she kept going to class, she quickly changed her mind.  The kid loves to dress up.  They have adult dance classes there too.  Hmm maybe if I sign up there will be a recital with fancy costumes at the end too.  Yay!

So what do YOU do?

My Uncle and my Dad

Fantastic decorations by my Mom's friend Connie

This past weekend we celebrated my Dad's 70th birthday.  My Mom threw him a party and it was very nice.  My Dad was born in the USA, but his parents came here from Greece in the 1930's.  So the party had a Greek theme.   There were around 50 or so people, mostly family and close friends of my Mom and Dad.  A lot of their friends I had met once or twice, but some I had never met before.  After introducing myself, my husband, and my children, people would ask me the question, "So what do you do?"  I had to stop and think.  I wasn't ready to answer this question and it really caught me off guard.  Hmm, that's a good question.  What DO I do?  I don't consider myself a stay at home Mom.  Not yet, anyway.   So I'm not really a stay a home Mom, but I'm not really a working Mom either.  Who am I?  Funny how our identities are so strongly tied to how we spend the workday.  As a working Mom, I had certain perceptions of stay at home Moms.  And I know that stay at home Moms have certain perceptions of working Moms.  So my response went something like, "Well I used to be a clothing buyer for over 10 years, but my position was eliminated in December, so I have been looking for a job."  Whenever you say "clothing buyer" to a woman, her face lights up, and the general response is, "Wow! What a great job, I always wanted to do something like that."  Yes, it's a great job, and I did like it, most days. But it's not like I was helping people or curing cancer or anything.  One of the online job blogs that I follow says that you should always have your "2 minute elevator speech" ready to tell someone your story.  You practice it, memorize it, so that you can easily tell a recruiter or job interviewer a concise response to "tell me about yourself".  Over the past year I have talked to dozens of recruiters and been on several job interviews.  I'd like to say that I have my 2 minute elevator speech down pat by now, but it changes all the time.  How do you define yourself?  What is it that you like to do, what is it that you are good at?  Is that how you are spending your days?  Are you really making the most of your time?  Or are you punching a clock, staring at a computer screen, wishing that you were somewhere else?  When you get to age 70, will you look back and be proud of your career?  Or will you wish you had spent more time with your children ?

Sick day

My sweet Sarah

Have you ever talked about something, and then it came true?  It's called the Law of Attraction.  For example one day I was talking with my assistant, Caroline, about car wrecks for some reason (I don't really remember why), and then that day upon driving home, Caroline got into a minor car wreck.  Or another example is when you are thinking about a song, and then it comes on the radio.  Or like yesterday when I was talking about sick days, and then today my daughter Sarah has strep throat.  For the past day or two Sarah has been saying that her throat hurt.  I'd make her some tea, and then think that she was fine. This morning she woke up and said that it REALLY hurt.  As a working mom, this would be my dilemma. Do I just give her Advil and send her on her way to school?  Then go to work and feel guilty and wait for the school nurse to call?  Or do I take a PTO / sick day from work and take my child to the doctor, where she may or may not get a prescription for any medicine that will make her feel better?  Today, as a stay at home mom, I decided to keep her home from school and take her to the doctor.  A quick throat culture revealed that yes, Sarah did have strep. For the second time in 2 months, no less.  So it was off to CVS (my favorite drug store) to get the prescription filled.  A few weeks ago I was feeling like I was getting sick.  I even went to the doctor after a few days.  When I was a working mom I didn't go to the doctor unless I felt like I was DYING.   The doctor said I had a cold.  Take some Mucinex, and that will be $35 dollars please.  If I had been working, I'm sure that I wouldn't have gone to the doctor.  I would have popped some Advil and sat at my desk and tried to work.  Being out sick was looked down upon, and no one wanted to use up their vacation days being at home, sick.  But now as a stay at home mom, I got the Mucinex, took some Advil, and stayed on the couch all day long watching daytime TV.  And you know what, it was pretty nice. 

Field trips and the working Mom



Sarah with her bear

As a working mom, your kid's field trips are always cause for concern, because you KNOW that you can't possibly go on all of them, or maybe even any of them.  There are only so many vacation days that you can take off, and you know that you will need to save some of those for when your kids get sick.  At my last workplace, there was no such thing as sick time, or vacation time; it was all lumped together under Paid Time Off days, or PTO for short. After working there for 5 years,  I had 13 PTO days, and that was it.  So when a field trip came up, my kids would always want me to come along with their class.  Most of the time, I couldn't.  I would hear tales of the museam, or the pumpkin patch, or the play, and always feel guilty that I was at work doing things like spending 2 hours in a meeting debating a shade of purple for next year's color palate.  Yikes.  Was this what I was supposed to be doing with my life?

But now as a stay at home Mom, I have been able to go on every field trip in the past year.  I have been to the strawberry patch, to the play in downtown Charlotte, and to Build a Bear today.  My youngest daughter got picked out of the lottery to attend a charter school for kindergarden.  Charter schools are public schools, but they pick kids randomly by a lottery to attend.  Most Moms in my area put their kids in the lottery every year for these charter schools, since the regular public schools are so overcrowded.  I have put my kids into the lottery for YEARS and had no luck getting picked.  Until last year when I entered child #3, Sarah, into the lottery for Kindergarden.  A few months after losing my job, I found out she had gotten in. 



The class lining up to stuff the bears

At this particular school, they require students to do community service project hours.  So the kindergardeners take a field trip to Build a Bear at the mall.  There they all make a bear, and then give them away to children in the hospitals.  Build a Bear did an awesome job of keeping the kids interested in picking out the bears, stuffing the bears, and decorating the bears with a bow or two.  When you have around 20 five year olds, that can be a big task.  It's kind of like hearding cats.  Only harder.  I thought there might be tears when it was time to box up all the bears and say goodbye, but the kids did great.  The teacher had explained several times over the past two weeks what was going to happen, so that no one was sad. 

Afterwards it was lunch at Chic Fil A (my favorite) and then we could take our kids home.  Sarah and I did some shopping (you know I can't help myself, I have nothing to wear!) and then went home.  When we got home, we crashed and took a nap.  Which, by the way,  is something else you can't do at work :)

I have nothing to wear!

As a working Mom in the fashion industry, there was a certain expectation for personal style and clothing choices at work.  I worked with women who regularly came to work dressed head to toe in new, stylish, outfits just about every day.  They carried handbags by Prada, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton.  They wore designer shoes with 3" heels.  I even had an assistant that dressed almost completely in clothes from Anthropologie.  (If she is reading this, then Hi Brooke!) It was somewhat of a fashion show every day, with all of the women trying to outdo each other.  As a Mom of 3 kids, I was spending my money on diapers and daycare, not Jimmy Choos. But it was hard not to want these things, and occasionally I would get a great deal on something or get a great Christmas gift.  As a buyer, I was constantly shopping, and it was hard not to buy things for myself. 

However most days before work, I would stare into my closet, and announce to no one in particular, "I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!"  My husband would always get a big kick out of this, and say, "Well what are all those clothes in your closet?" I would make another mental note to self that in our next house he and I will have separate closets.  I realized that I needed to stop saying this when my 4 year old daughter started saying this in front of her closet. 

Now, as a stay at home Mom, you would think that I wouldn't have these problems.  You would be wrong.  I have a closet full of "work clothes" and very few "casual clothes".  Now my day consists of what to wear to the school bus stop. Do I put on my workout clothes and go for a run after my dear daughter gets on the bus?  Do I throw on jeans and a sweatshirt?  Do I just stay in my PJs, throw on a robe and drive the .3 miles to the bus stop?  And then I realize, who cares? Well, I guess the answer is that I care.  Today I am going with my youngest daughter on a field trip to Build A Bear.  They are donating the bears to charity.  Again, outfit dilemma.  I have nothing to wear.  I'm just glad I don't have to wear heels. 

Running

I got started with running about 3 years ago when I decided to start exercising again after having my 3rd child. I was working full time, had a nanny for my kids, and was trying to lose weight with Weight Watchers. I had been avoiding exercise with every excuse in the book, but my main one was that I just didn't have the time.

Finally I joined a gym, and committed to just walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes a few times during the workweek. I would bolt out of work, drive the 25 miles back to my town, zip into the gym, change clothes, walk for 15 minutes, and then zip home in time for my nanny to leave around 6:15p. Back then my husband was working at a different job where he didn't get home most nights until 7pm. I did this for a few months and then figured out that if I could run for those 15 minutes, I would burn more calories. And wasn't that the whole point of this anyway? So I tried running on the treadmill. I couldn't even make it to one minute without stopping. I couldn't breathe. This was terrible. Was I really this out of shape? My goal was to be able to run through one song on my iPod.

I came across a couch to 5k program on the Internet and decided to try it. By alternating running and walking, I found that I could increase my stamina each week. I also found more time for running on the weekends and even early in the morning before work sometimes. I took my running shoes with me when I travelled for work. I've run in Central Park in NYC, on the beach in Miami, in Hong Kong on the Tsim Sha Tsui, and down Beverly Boulevard in Los Angeles.

I completed that first 5k, a couple more, an 8k on Thanksgiving Day, and a 10K. Last year I even completed a half marathon (13.1 miles) with Team in Training and raised over $2500 for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Now before you get the wrong idea, let me tell you that I am a very slow runner. Running does not come easily for me. I still alternate with walking. I still need to lose 40 pounds to get to my goal weight. I don't look like a runner. At all. But I am a runner.

A few months ago I signed up to run another half marathon in the town where I live. I also joined a training group, since I knew that I would stick to it better if there were other people around. I am by far the slowest runner in the group. During our last training run, I pulled my calf muscle at mile 5 and had to limp back to my car. That was about 10 days ago. I am hoping that it will heal and that I can continue, but I am not sure.

Lots of people tell me that they could never be a runner. That they don't have the time, that it's too hard. I think that people can do whatever they make up their mind to do. Too often we listen to negative people that tell us that we can't do this or that, or that we will never accomplish our goals. What is it that YOU want to do? What is holding you back? Make a list, set some goals, and figure out a way to get there. It might not be easy, but you will be glad that you did.

Me running in Hong Kong 2010

Wow, that was early

Today I did something that I NEVER did as a working Mom ----- I started Christmas shopping before Black Friday. As a working Mom, I would rush out on my lunch hour, do some quick shopping, and never feel like I could get everything done in time for Christmas. However now as a stay at home Mom, time is finally on my side. For the past 3 years or so, I have been following some great Mommy / Couponing / Deal blogs. My 3 favorites are Dealseekingmom.com, Moneysavingmom.com, and MoolasavingMom.com. This past weekend one of those 3 posted a great deal on some board games at Toys R Us. The only catch was you had to buy them online, but pick them up in the local store. Not really a big deal, but the nearest Toys R Us is 25 miles from my house. Ironically, I used to drive 25 miles each way to work. So today off I went. The place was hoppin! I was surprised at how many other stay at home mom types were wandering around the store. I went over to look at the bikes for my youngest daughter, and was irked to see that NONE of the 16" bikes had prices, bar codes, or prices listed on the shelf. Having worked in retail all my life this really annoyed me. Even after tracking down someone to help me, they couldn't figure out the prices, either. A second person was called over and by that time I was done. Needless to say a bike was not purchased today. But I did get some other good stuff on sale and I felt like I made a decent head start. Without being rushed! On November 8th, no less! Hmm, is it too early to put up the tree?? :)

Hello!

Like most working Moms I know, I would sit at my desk at work and stare longingly at the picture on my desk of my 3 children. I would wonder what they were doing. I would wonder if they were having fun. If they were missing me. I would wonder if it was worth it to spend most of my waking hours at my desk instead of with my children. But there were bills to pay, and I would get back to work. And so I was a working Mom. I was, that is, until December 2010, the week before Christmas, when I was told that my position was eliminated, and I was out of a job. So for the past year, I have been a non-working, stay-at-home-Mom. Except for those 3 months I worked in Florida, but that is the subject of another post. I have always wondered what it would be like to be a stay-at-home-Mom, so I guess this is my chance to find out. I must say, and my husband will agree, that I am not very good at being a stay-at-home-Mom (SAHM, for short). So I am starting this blog to share my struggles, and perhaps connect with other accidental SAHM's like me. If you like the blog, then please follow me. If you don't, no worries, see ya around. THANKS!